Evaluation: Insecurity, Insensitivity or both
Evaluation: Insecurity, Insensitivity or both
Witnessed…
A person walks into a room full of people engaged in conversation. They may expect to be welcomed, but are not. Rudeness is witnessed first hand from a friend to a friend. Feelings are mixed…should they jump in to already flowing conversation or should they keep to themsleves and wait for others to arrive that have not begun to connect yet? Do people find it unusual to walk up to a conversation and just insert themselves? In the interest of protecting themselves and those close to them, they want to leave the situation. Is this insecurity on their part or insensitivity on the part of those already there? They are overreacting, right? Or maybe not. Whose job is it to initiate? Should those called “friends” engage first? If they were a stranger, would it be the same? Uncomfortable place that should be comfortable. When in friendship do people get past themselves and get real? Or do all those involved truly think they are being real? It isn’t their fault, they are just clueless in their self-centered world. If someone is hurting and no one notices, who’s fault is it? The hurting person or those who should ask? I’m full of questions.
November 28th, 2005 at 7:38 am
My opinion.
First of all, this incident is obviosly real, and now we all feel like we might be the perpetrator. So, now that it’s a public matter, I think you should contact the person and let them know what you are actually talking about. That way, if we get a call from you we will be able to deal with it, and if we don’t we will know that it wasn’t us.
The newbie should feel free to jump in. Yes, it’s uncomfortable for some people, but it’s not rude if you are in a gathering of lots of people. It would be rude if you walked up to 2 people who were in a seperate room or something, having an obviosly private conversation. But then, I think it’s rude to have an obviously private conversation when you are in a group gathering.
Both insecurity and insensitivity work together to allianate.
It’s the “already talker’s” job to initiate and include. It’s rude to ignore someone who just walked up. People should be welcoming. If you want to have a private conversation, you should go to a private place.
They probably would act the same to a stranger, but not to a celebrity.
People never get past themselves. Sometimes friendships get real, but they still end up hurting feelings once in a while.
If someone is hurting and no one notices, the “hurt” is probably the fault of the one who did the hurting even if it wasn’t malicious. But the “not noticing” is the fault of the hurt-ee because they are making an effort to conceal their feelings. The hurt-er may not even know, in which case, if the hurt-ee wants any satisfaction, they will have to spill the beans or else drop it. You can’t expect people to care, if you keep your mouth shut. But, if people “notice” that the person is hurting, they should try to find out what’s up.
It really depends very much on the specific situation. Sometimes, the walker-uper is just a jerk, and expects everyone to turn and notice when they appear on the scene. Sometimes, the already-talkers are just rude. Sometimes, the already-talkers just assume that if the walker-upper wanted to say anyting, they would. The only way to answer these questions is to talk to the real people involved about the real situation.
Glad I could help!
November 30th, 2005 at 7:56 pm
Glad someone had an opinion.
December 1st, 2005 at 7:34 am
yeah. i think this one stumped the masses. no one wants to touch it with a 10 foot pole!
December 1st, 2005 at 11:55 am
ma ma j just covered the issue so elequently, there’s nothing more to add. i never do well with shoulda done this or that type questions.
December 1st, 2005 at 12:55 pm
I was stumped. I was trying to figure out what I would of done or felt like being any of the people involved, and then saw Jac’s response, and it made sense.
December 1st, 2005 at 6:07 pm
Wow! It feels great to silence the masses!
December 1st, 2005 at 10:29 pm
I agree with nathan- mama j said what we were all thinking. Thank you mama j, you rock!